ESPN Force Feeds Us A LeBron Story Because They’re Butthurt They Didn’t Get His Decision This Time.


Don’t think for a minute they didn’t call up Brian Windhorst and tell him to whip something up right after they got snubbed.

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Via ESPNPlaying video games with LeBron James is so annoying.  “When we were growing up we used to play this fighting game on the Sega Genesis called Shaq Fu,” says Brandon Weems, James’ lifelong friend. “LeBron was the only one who had memorized all the moves and so he’d win every time. We all thought he definitely was cheating.”  Memorizing all the manipulations with the joystick and the A, B and C buttons back in the days before it could be Googled — the Inferno Kick was down, toward the player, with the C button pressed, but only with the “Shaq” character, mind you — is one thing. When James started adding the pathological layers as he got older, that’s when he really started messing with his friends.  “When you play Madden with him now you have to be careful which teams you take, because he will know what your game plans were in the past when you’ve played with him and he’ll pick the opposing team knowing what plays you want to run,” says Weems, now an assistant basketball coach at Oakland University.  “You better save your favorite play, too, because he’ll remember what you ran before in situations and be ready for it. Your only hope is to save it until the end and try to surprise him with it.”

HOLY SHIT!  Lebron knows everything about everything about everything!  Did you read that?  Video game cheat codes, Madden plays, SHAQ fuckin’ FU?!?!?!  Absolute genius right here.  Classic ESPN right here.  They were so pissed/ bummed about being bumped for Sports fuckin’ Illustrated that the minute the decision story calmed down they drop a Lebron has the fuckin’ force story.  He’s basically Yoda so pay attention to us everybody story.  They don’t even stop there.  They go deep, like how he remembered Kevin Ollie’s number when he played for the Cavs.  Or that time he remembered that play from that game when it worked.  HEY GUYS, when a play works, you always remember it.  That’s not being a genius that’s being attentive.  I can’t even handle ESPNs boner for this guy even after he gave them a gut punch for his most recent decision.

We know how I feel about Lebron.  He’s a douche bag and anyone who thinks this guy cares a lick about Cleveland or what other people think is just as much a douche bag as he is.  Lebron cares about Lebron.  That’s been drilled into his head since he was anointed “King James” before he ever accomplished a thing.  He’s going back to Cleveland because eventually that team will be better than the aging mess they have in Miami.  Plus he’s only there for two years and don’t think for a minute if Cleveland doesn’t do exactly what he says that he won’t jump ship for the next best thing.  Lebron looks out for Lebron.  he’s a great player and I cannot deny that but the hoopla over this guy’s decisions were just obnoxious.  Name another player in any sport that got the coverage this guy got.  You can’t.  Clayton Kershaw signed for basically $300 million and I’m pretty sure his contract got announced like any other player’s deal does.  I just don’t have time for that shit (even if I was obsessed with checking twitter every 10 seconds to see if it had happened.  I’m somewhat in the business aren’t I?)

And look, to soften the blow a bit, Lebron is a phenomenal talent who does amazing things on the court.  They guy is the best player in the NBA, but these stories are no different from what they’ve said about Magic, Bird, Jordan and others.  There just wasn’t the video game references.

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